Tumblr is so inspirational. I get on and I scroll through the simplest things that mean so much and it makes me want to be a part of it all. I want to make art or take pictures or do something great and then write about it. But then here I am, sitting in the break room at work. Seeing beautiful things through the little screen on my phone. I turn my head and see the tinted windows to my right, looking down on the sales floor where I will be walking in 30 minutes. I’ll walk them for 8 hours of this day, counting the minutes and seconds that I have to be here, to make the money that pays a bill or a loaf of bread. I’ll spend an hour back up in this break room later on, to chew mindlessly the food my boyfriend and I cooked the night before. He’ll look at me and smile. And yet the knot in my stomach will grow with every ticking of the clock. Back on the floor. Walk a customer to their item. Be nice be nice. Even when they are never nice back. We will go home at the end of the day. We will forget to lock the car or the front door before we turn in for the night, sinking restlessly into the bed covers. I’ll have another dream about my brother committing murder over and over again. I will wake up the next day, feel the stress of the previous day still weighing on my stiff shoulders. But it’s never a particularly hard day, not a difficult day. Just a normal, do-your-part, kind of day. It isn’t all that bad. I’ll continue this life, because it’s comfortable. I’ll have kids in the next couple of years and then I’ll have a purpose. Right now I’m just paying rent.
Posted on April/24/2013
#Tagged: #morning thoughts
, #paying bills
Hahahaha our night…..
Not sure why this one showed up sideways….