cheap perfume and painted faces
I went to work on my day off today and bought a box of Valentine’s chocolates. I sat in the breakroom to eat them and quietly watch my fellow co-workers drift in and out of their own heavy minds… but my mom called for me to pick her up from her doctor’s appointment earlier than expected. So I left. And as I left, I lay a note on the table for anyone to eat the chocolates, because I could not. I told a few people that I passed about what was on the table. They were genuinely happy and thanked me for leaving it there for others to have. You didn’t have to do that, Betsy. I smiled. Of course I did. I wandered to the south side of the store. I caught sight of Bill just as he was turning to head to the tire desk. He saw me. He froze. I walked with him the rest of the way. I left the store. After picking my mom up, and having brunch at Perkin’s, we went back to my work. She needed to buy something. She wandered and I went upstairs with Bill. He was on lunch. I sat in silence, listening to how his morning had been. I watched his hands, as he pealed apart a lean pocket. A few minutes are gone. A call from my phone. She’s done shopping and is ready to go. I stand. I hesitate. The over-whelming feeling is creeping up again. No, don’t walk me downstairs, that’s stupid. His hand runs over the top of his head and back down again. He looks at me, waiting. I turn and go back downstairs, glancing over my shoulder just for a moment. I can’t breathe. I go to the checkout lane with my mom. My phone vibrates. Text Message. My throat is dry as I read it. My head is so light I think it might float to the ceiling. I bury away the fast beating of my heart and continue with my day. I’ll go to my dad’s tonight. He’s picking me up after the gym. My phone will not be used tonight. I will not have a text, no calls, just silence. I will go to sleep. I will probably dream of nothing that makes sense and feel bad about it and then tomorrow the knots in my stomach will resurface.
Posted on February/14/2012